How much control do you have over your career?
As a control freak by nature (aren’t we all, though?), I want to believe I can control every aspect of my success. Wouldn’t that be nice?
HAHA no. It would not. That would actually be a curse.
Can you imagine? Everything that ever doesn't work out in your career is your fault? You can’t blame a single thing for the outcome other than yourself? The economy tanks, a pandemic hits, your child gets sick, or a million other external factors come into play, and you’re supposed to take responsibility for everything that happens in your career?
Yeah, no thanks.
Problems arise for authors when we confuse what we can control with what we can’t control. And this happens more frequently than you might expect.
Here’s a basic list to get you started:
So, this is not a revolutionary list, is it? But it's amazing how often we'll let ourselves get down because things on the "Can't Control" side aren't going our way.
You can only control what you do. So if what you do is not getting you the results you want, you must do something else.
This is where most people get stuck.
Someone promised them that if they did X,Y, and Z, they would get a specific result, but it’s not working! It should work!
Hello darkness, my old friend…
It can make you feel totally out of control. But that’s because you’re forgetting where you have control. It ain’t in the results. It’s never in the results.
Let me say this again: You do not have control over the results!
This is so hard and painful to ingest because every now and then, we get lucky in marketing. We find some little temporary trick or loophole that delivers a big ROI. When that happens, it’s so hard not to claim credit for that, to say, “I found a way to make money!”
Technically, you tried something new, and that’s all. The new thing worked, but you didn’t make it so. And when the new thing stops working (it always does), that will not be your doing, either.
But you will be able to control what you do next.
The Enneagram framework functions on this same strict separation of what we can and can’t control.
The thing we’re seeking above all can only be found in the one place where we have any control: ourselves.
Curious what I mean? Here's how it shakes out by type:
1-Reformers: You can’t achieve perfection through your actions and appearance in the outside world; the moment is already perfect, whether you judge it to be good or bad. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive your perfection.
2-Helpers: You can’t earn unconditional love through adding up one selfless act after another; you are already worthy of unconditional love for yourself. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive your worthiness.
3-Achievers: You can’t earn value through performing for and impressing others; you have inherent value without doing a thing. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive your value.
4-Individualists: You can’t create significance for yourself through demanding to be special or forcing eccentricity; you are already significant and irreplaceable. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive your significance in this world.
5-Investigators: You can’t amass enough knowledge and resources to never be vulnerable to intrusion or exhaustion; you already have all the resources you need by being able to ask for help. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive the natural flow of energy around you.
6-Loyalists: You can’t forge enough beneficial alliances to protect yourself from all danger; you have an inner authority who is ready to guide you when a crisis arises. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to trust and hear that inner authority when it speaks.
7-Enthusiast: You can’t pleasure-seek your way to satisfaction; all the richness of life you need exists in this moment. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive that richness.
8-Challenger: You can’t fight, bully, or intimidate your way to power; all the power you need already exists inside of yourself. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive how your vulnerability is also strength.
9-Peacemaker: There is no amount of avoiding conflicts that you can do to create peace and connection; you are connected to everything else in every moment, even heated conflict. The only thing that fluctuates is your ability to perceive the wholeness of the universe.
The good news is that our perception is something we can control through intentional practice!
I’m not talking toxic positivity here. You can safely assume I’m never talking that, because to this day and through all the growth work I’ve done, if a stranger walked up to me and suggested I smile because it would make me happier, I would smack that stranger. Don’t care who it is. My open palm would do its thing.
I’m talking about making a conscious effort to pause when we’re feeling like things are out of control and reminding ourselves that what we’re seeking is readily available in the present moment. Doing that again and again and again, whenever we need it.
Go ahead and re-read what I wrote for your type. At some point in time, you’ve felt the truth of that reality. The 7-Enthusiast, for example, has experienced moments when FOMO became irrelevant because it was so clear that the moment itself was enough.
In fact, EVERY type has probably experienced that, because we have all 9 types in us to various degrees, but for the 7, it is the most essential feeling to tap into for growth.
Our Enneagram type (or “style”) is often described as a “lens,” which seems appropriate as our core motivations (fear/desire) are why we’re able to perceive some truths clearly, and others… not so much. Fear and craving are blinders, and only once we take those off are we able to see much, much more of the world, including new options, routes, possibilities, and fulfillment.
While those blinders are still in place, though, we can end up playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes...
The Stupid Games of Indie Authors
When we forget that the thing we’re seeking is already available to us in its truest form, we start playing a stupid game particular to our type by seeking cheap versions of the thing externally.
This is a stupid game because we can’t control the results of our actions. We want to think we have some insider knowledge on how to win, but we’ve already lost by playing. The only thing we earn for these stupid games are stupid prizes.
Of course I’m going to give you examples, even though this post is already so damn long.
1-Reformer stupid game: Trying to be flawless. Keeping impossibly high standards to live above reproach.
1-Reformer stupid prize: Stress, workaholism, inviting criticism, perfectionism, depression, headaches, digestive issues
2-Helper stupid game: Being needed by as many people as possible. Acting selflessly and never asking for help from others to be the “most wanted” person around.
2-Helper stupid prize: Codependency, resentment, martyrdom, being surrounded by energy vampires, exhaustion
3-Achiever stupid game: Being the best at everything they do. Winning the approval and admiration of everyone they encounter.
3-Achiever stupid prize: Workaholism, severe feelings on inadequacy, feeling like a constant failure, massive imposture syndrome, cutthroat behavior, having no idea you actually want out of life, obsession with physical appearance
4-Individualist stupid game: Seeking significance through being incomprehensible. Asserting specialness to avoid looking ordinary.
4-Individualist stupid prize: Being constantly misunderstood, insatiable longing, identity issues, depression, loneliness, emotional instability, feelings of emptiness
5-Investigator stupid game: Seeking complete independence from society through collecting (hoarding) resources. Absorbing endless knowledge to feel competent but rarely sharing it to avoid appearing foolish.
5-Investigator stupid prize: Social isolation, lack of acknowledgement for competency, ignorance of practical world, loss of empathy for others, various health issues resulting from neglect of physical needs, emotional suppression
6-Loyalist stupid game: Rushing into relationships that promise security. Trying to create enough relationships with powerful or trustworthy people that you’re safe from all harm.
6-Loyalist stupid prize: Severe anxiety, betrayal (both feeling it and doing it), abuse by authority, paranoia, transactional relationships, rapidly narrowing pool of longtime friends
7-Enthusiast stupid game: Being the most interesting person in the room by experiencing as much of the world as humanly possible. Pleasure seeking to avoid pain.
7-Enthusiast stupid prize: Lacking depth, avoidant personality, superficial relationships, FOMO galore, constant dissatisfaction with the moment, panic when options seem limited, reckless behavior and endangerment to self
8-Challenger stupid game: Being the strongest and most powerful person in any situation. Overcompensating for any perceived weakness.
8-Challenger stupid prize: People avoid you, surrounded by sycophants, frequent relationship blow-ups, everyone seems weak, lack of true intimacy with others, target on your back, vengeful urges and behaviors, self-sabotage, victim complex
9-Peacemaker stupid game: Keeping the peace by never rocking the boat. Being the most liked person in the room by accommodating others and saying yes when you mean no.
9-Peacemaker stupid prize: Procrastination, becoming disconnected from others through disconnection from self, enmeshment, identity struggles, passive-aggression, chronic pain issues, lethargy, dissociation
This is why it’s so important to remember what you can and can’t control in life and in publishing. We don’t want to play the stupid game of our type. We don’t want to win those stupid prizes.
Instead, we want to control what we can control and enjoy the benefits of a happy, balanced, and fulfilling author career. We don’t need to set ridiculous goals to motivate ourselves, because we’re always fulfilling our core desire and therefore succeeding every single day.
Did you know I have a whole course for authors where we explore these patterns and learn how to liberate ourselves from their hold to create sustainable and successful writing careers?
It’s called The Liberated Writer Course, and you can read more here.