Description:
Learn a quick way to bring your characters’ dialogue to life and give it authenticity by using their Enneagram talk styles! In this video, Claire Taylor of FFS Media explains each of the nine Enneagram Types’ talk styles and provides an example of how that style would show through while initiating a break-up.
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Script:
Hey there. It's Claire Taylor with FFS Media, and for today's video I wanted to dive into how character Enneagram types might affect how you write their dialogue.
Each type has its own unique way of communicating verbally. These are often called “talk styles.” So I want to run through what each type of talk style looks and sounds like, and give you an example of how that type of character might initiate a breakup. That way, you can kind of see each type in action.
Now, obviously breakups are going to go different ways depending on the many variables of a relationship, so take these examples with a grain of salt. Also if you have a very socially perceptive and empathetic character doing the breaking up, they may subconsciously adjust their talk style to match that of the person they are breaking up with, and that is more or less likely depending on the type we're dealing with.
Let's jump into it.
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Type One: The Reformer
Talk Style: Preaching
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 1, the Reformer, is that of preaching or sermonizing. I know that doesn't sound too flattering, and of course, as with every type, as the level of health increases the harsh qualities of that type will tend to lessen and become much more tolerable to everyone else.
When Enneagram Ones speak, they are precise, direct, and honest. You also hear a whole lot of “shoulds” in there. It's not necessarily that the Reformer always thinks they have everything figured out and that they are the final judge of what is right and wrong, this is just their speech pattern.
So, if a One was going to initiate a breakup, it might sound like this: “I don't think two people should be together if it's not going to work long-term. I don't see this lasting, so the right thing to do is for us to break up.” Direct, honest, and with some sort of concrete worldview mixed in. And did you hear the word “should”? It was definitely in there, too.
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Type Two: The Helper
Talk Style: Advising
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 2, the Helper, is advising or supporting. Twos are very other-focused, but they also have this belief that they shouldn’t need help… but they would really love it if others anticipated when they needed it and just did it without needing to be asked. They tend to give the kind of help they wish they had. And sometimes their misguided desire to help can override their common sense when it comes to knowing when someone just wants to vent and when someone actually needs help. So while they are very friendly and their speech and placate others, they can sometimes be a little pushy with offering help and advice, to the point where the person you're talking to might just want them to stop offering advice for three seconds and listen to the emotions.
A Two is going to have a hard time initiating a breakup. They need to be needed, and pushing people away is just not in their nature for that reason. So, if one of your characters is a Helper and they're initiating a break up, it might not even be entirely clear that that is what’s going on.
It's going to be very other-focused, and their desire to be needed is going to be fighting back against their desire to be separate. So it might sound something like this: “You are so amazing and you deserve all the happiness in the world. But I just feel like I can't give you enough, so maybe you should see other people.” If someone said that to you, would you even be sure that they were breaking up with you? You would probably have to ask. That could just as well be an invitation for you to have an open relationship as it is a breakup. Ending relationships is just not a natural strength of Twos, and it could make for a good bit of comedy in your story to see this character incompetently attempt to break up with a partner who is very confused about what is happening.
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Type Three: The Achiever
Talk Style: Persuading
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 3, the Achiever, is persuading or selling. They're always trying to convince someone of something. Oftentimes, what they're trying to sell is themself. Persuasion comes naturally to these types, and they often find themselves in careers that benefit from their ability to sell things to people.
When a Three is speaking, they speak confidently and directly and their words tend to be focused on the topic at hand. They know exactly why they are talking, what they're trying to accomplish. They don't have time to not accomplish things; after all, they are the Achievers.
So, if your character who is a Three is going to break up with their partner, it might sound something like this: “I don't see this relationship going anywhere, and I don't think we should waste each other's time anymore. I think we should break up so that we don't spend our best years on a relationship that's failing.” If they don't see a relationship “going somewhere,” (after all, existence is a verb to Threes) or positioning them closer to their goals, it's got to go. Also, anything that smells even faintly of failure has got to go for an Achiever.
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Type Four: The Individualist
Talk Style: Lamenting
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 4, the Individualist, is lamenting or expressing. Since the Four likes to live in the darker moments of humanity and feels comfortable there, you're going to hear a lot of lamenting language and occasionally some melodramatic and flowery metaphors. It's going to be very emotional based. They may not appear to be outwardly emotional, but their language will show the depth of their emotion. Fours’ talk style also tends to be intense and self-focused. Fours can be a little too attached to their emotions, which keeps them self-focused like that. But they're also highly creative, so their dramatic metaphors and imagery will be reflective of that imagination.
So, if your Four character is going to initiate a breakup, it might sound a little something like this: “I just don't know that you're ready to plumb the depths of reality with me. I'm starting to find this relationship really stifling, and I don't know that we’re the twin flames that I thought we were. I need to be on my own to really explore my true nature without feeling like I have to be someone else for you.” Very melodramatic, lots of visual elements, but ultimately all about the speaker and their emotional needs.
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Type Five: The Investigator
Talk Style: Lecturing
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 5, the Investigator, is lecturing or presentational. Fives know a lot about their areas of expertise and they want you to know about it, too. But more importantly, they just really want to talk about it to better process the information. They like talking about facts. The talk style tends to be highly analytical, lacking small talk entirely and with a certain detachment from the topic they're speaking about. If you want to talk about emotions with a five, prepare to talk about it in terms of psychology, not metaphors.
Frankly, the most likely way that a Five would break up with someone is just to ghost them or cut them off so much emotionally that one day the partner wakes up and goes, “Oh, I guess I’ll just show myself out.” They might even realize that the Investigator partner has, in their own mind, left a relationship a long time ago. But, if your Five character we're going to initiate a breakup, it could very well be over a short text, or something factual like this: “I'm moving to Boston to get my masters, and I would prefer you didn’t come with me. I will need time to myself without distractions. I wish you the best of luck.”
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Type Six: The Loyalist
Talk Style: Cautioning
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 6, the Loyalist, is cautionary or contrary. They are always looking for what could go wrong. So you're going to hear a lot of questioning of other people's plans, and they may sound a little bit pessimistic. Their reason for speaking is often to test the other person, or the other person's plans or motivations. For very obvious reasons, this can get annoying after a little bit. It's important to note a specific difference between the One and the Six when it comes to pointing out flaws: Sixes are in the future triad, so their eye for flaws is future-focused on what could go wrong, whereas Ones are in the present triad, so they are focused on what is wrong.
So, a Loyalist character would initiate a break up something like this: “I think you're really great, and this is not a reflection on you, but I'm just worried that this relationship is going to end badly if we keep trying to make it work like we are, even though we know that it's not good for both of us. We might as well end it now rather than wait it out and have things go down even worse later.” The Six will be cautious of the other person, especially if they don't know how the partner is going to react. They're going to assume the other person will react as badly as possible, which is why they would start off with a reassurance to try to cushion the blow and deactivate the bomb before it starts ticking. And then they would focus on the future and how things would be worse later, so they might as well end it now to save themselves risk. “Bad but not as bad” tends to be as much as a Six dares hope for.
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Type Seven: The Enthusiast
Talk Style: Hyping
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The talk style of the type 7, the Enthusiast, is that storytelling or hyping. They tend to gush about things, focusing on the positive qualities. Everything is the best. Everything that they love, you have to try. Even a trip to the store can be fodder for an off-the-wall tale by a Seven. Enthusiasts like to feel good, and they like to make other people feel good, while also being the center of attention. What better way to do that than to tell hilarious stories about their life?
Of course, when it comes to the uncomfortable moments, Sevens do not necessarily excel. Like the Five, the Seven might just ghost instead of initiating a break-up. Or they might go to great lengths to create a no-one’s-fault reason to break up. It wouldn't be too outrageous to have your Seven character move their entire life to another country as an excuse to end a relationship. Unlike the Five who might move across the country to pursue an interest and forget they ever had a relationship, the Seven would plan a cross-country move for the sole purpose of having an excuse to leave their partner. It doesn’t hurt that it would also be a great adventure, so that is a huge perk for an Enthusiast.
Because your Seven character is the king or queen of freedom and avoiding unnecessary responsibility, the mention of that will probably be somewhere within the break-up scenario. You could write something like this: “I feel like we have so much to experience in this world and we should go do that on our own rather than holding each other back. Maybe someday we'll get back together once we go and live our lives to the fullest, but right now, I feel like I need to focus on me and I don't want to hold you back while you focus on you.”
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Type Eight: The Challenger
Talk Style: Commanding
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 8, the Challenger, is commanding and authoritative. They are often viewed as confrontational or overly assertive. Their talk style is just to say how things are and who should be doing what.
Another feature of the Eight’s talk style is that they tend to talk loudly. They have something to say, they know it, and they don't care who hears. They’re the one at the restaurant who says inappropriate or inflammatory things so loudly that they get looks from the next table over. When they speak, there is a finality to it. The interesting thing about the Challenger’s talk style is that it's so commanding that it almost invites challenge. It's almost like they're daring anyone to call BS. And if you do, you’re just as likely to earn their respect as you are to earn a loud tongue lashing.
If your Eight character is going to initiate a breakup, it's going to have that same finality to it. Challengers don't want their partner to try to convince them not to break up. They've made up their mind. This is how it’s going to be. And by the nature of the Eight, there will not be a lot of room for the partner’s vulnerability in there. Your Eight character might initiate a breakup like this: “I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. We're over.” No mention of “I think” or “I feel” or “maybe.” Just that they don't want it, so it's done. And as far as setting goes for this conversation, it could kind of be anywhere. Public, private, wedding, funeral. Whatever it is, it won’t be done in a whisper.
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Type Nine: The Peacemaker
Talk Style: Meandering
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The talk style of the Enneagram type 9, the Peacemaker, is the epic saga or meandering. Nines like to take their time. They are not urgent people, on the whole, and they like to see the big picture. They're talented at seeing all of the elements.This is how they become the social mastermind of the groups they’re in.
If people hate confrontation as much as a Nine does, they learn how to read between the lines. Peacemakers get very good at picking up on details, and when they talk, it can be mostly details. I’m married to a Nine, and as a One, our talk styles frequently clash when it comes to matters of precision. I love his stories, but I have an extreme sense of urgency like a ticking clock inside me, and it requires a lot of restraint for me not to interrupt him on one of his tangents to say “Can we get back to what you were talking about before?” Or “What's your point?”
The talk style of the Nine is other-focused because their attention is other-focused. They can also be indecisive in their speech, arguing both sides. That's because they never don't see all sides of every argument, and they have a hard time deciding which side they are on. Because taking a side inevitably leads to confrontation.
If you are writing a Nine character initiating a breakup, first of all, good luck. Peacemakers would rather self-erase than create a confrontation, it takes a LOT before they would be willing to confront the person they’re closest to and push them away. A lot of negative feelings have to build up first, and the cost of that is that Nines can be very passive-aggressive. And in the heat of a breakup, it's likely that passive aggression will come out.
So a type 9 character might initiate a break up like this: They would make themselves very useless. A nine would have to either be in a very healthy level or be able to lean in hard to their Eight or One wing to get the job done.
But so that I don't leave you high and dry on the dialogue for this type, let's come up with a different scenario for the type 9. How about a Peacemaker offering feedback. Let’s say your character has just read another character’s manuscript and they HATED it. Now it's time for the Nine to tell their friend what they thought about the book. It might go like this: “I am just so impressed that you have the discipline to sit and write an entire book from start to finish. I could hear so much of you in those pages, and it was really nice to spend that much time in your world.” So, not the most constructive feedback, but entirely non-confrontational.
Okay that's it. I hope you started to think about how to integrate your characters’ talk styles into your fiction. It really gives it veracity. If you want more writing tips be sure to subscribe by hitting the Subscribe button below this video. And I always like to hear what you have to say, so let me know how one of your characters would or already has initiated a breakup in your books, what Enneagram type they are, and if it matched up with the talk style descriptions I've given you.
Even if you hadn't considered talk styles in your writing before, these are all pretty intuitive, and I see authors get it right more often than get it wrong. And when they do get it wrong, it tends to be that they're overlaying their own type’s talk style onto their characters. Always something you want to keep an eye on.
Talk styles are one of the easiest ways to make your characters sound different in dialogue and help set them apart and your reader's mind. You don't even have to overdo it, but even if you do, you will still sound pretty natural.
That's all for now. Happy writing.