Episode Description:
Welcome to the inaugural episode of "What If? For Authors," the podcast that delves into the fears and uncertainties authors face. Join me while I explore the motivation behind starting this podcast and set the stage for the insightful discussions to come.
Why Listen? Whether you're a seasoned writer or just starting your journey, "What If? For Authors" aims to provide you with the support, advice, and reassurance you need to overcome your fears and succeed in your writing career. This podcast is a safe space to explore the "what ifs" that often hold us back, with the goal of turning those fears into fuel for your creative fire.
Join the Conversation: Have a question or a fear you'd like me to explore? Reach out to me at contact@ffs.media.
Happy writing!
Transcript:
Claire: [00:00:00] Welcome back to episode two of What If for Authors.
I'm so glad you're here. Today we are answering the question, what if I hate social media?
I'm Claire Taylor, your host, the owner of FFS Media, a humor and mystery author, an Enneagram coach for authors—et cetera. Okay, so this is my first full episode, so I will be figuring out how this works, experimenting a little, trying things on for size.
I don't actually know how long these episodes will turn out to be, but I'll try to keep it reasonable. There might be variation, which I will I have heard is not a great strategic move for a podcast, but I would counter that not saying things that need to be said because of artificial time constraints or saying bullshit just to fill up artificial time constraints is also not that [00:01:00] strategic for keeping listeners around. So we're going to do it the way I want to do it. So I've decided that my approach when it comes to speaking into the void is I'm just gonna imagine a group of like six drunk people sitting at a table with me at some bar con and someone just said, Hey Claire, what does the Enneagram have to say about that?
Oh God, I love it when someone cues me up like that. Anyway, I don't know that more than 20 people will ever listen to this podcast, so I like my new approach. I think I'm going to go with it. Um, and that's not to poo poo on the 20 people that are going to be the audience of this show. I would be thrilled if 20 people downloaded each of these episodes. Like, where else do I get to speak to 20 eager listeners each week? Fuck yeah, I'm here for it. Welcome 20 of you. Or if it's just the six drunk people at the table, uh, I'm glad you're here as well. So onto today's question, because I think it's an important one, and [00:02:00] that's, what if I hate social media?
Tough shit. Eat some raw meat and do it anyway. Uh, no, that is. That is not my answer. I have ended up on the wrong algorithm on Instagram, and that is now a lot of my videos. I, I started sending those, like , you know, the, the manosphere influencers. I've, I've started sending those to one of my friends who thinks this is funny as I do, and now the algorithm is very confused and sends me a bunch of that.
But no, you don't need to go on the carnivore diet or whatever, you know, you don't need to eat raw meat. You don't need a six pack to answer this question. We are just going to proceed, like well adjusted people. So of course it's fine if you hate social media. I kind of do too, frankly, maybe not hate, maybe that's a stronger word.
Uh, in some cases not strong enough word in other cases, and I don't feel the same way about all social media, but it definitely makes my [00:03:00] soul feel like it's swimming against the current every time I get on there. So generally when we talk about social media, we're talking about a lot of different things at once, and that's rarely the most discerning approach to making business decisions.
So as I use the word social media, I encourage you to pause and ask yourself, Which social media comes to mind when you think about how much you like or hate it? So which platforms? Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, uh, Tumblr, X, Twitter. Did I miss one? Uh, Reddit, LinkedIn. Onlyfans? Now, I guess OnlyFans is more of a subscription service.
The point is that when we have a negative reaction to something as varied as quote unquote social media, that's usually a good indicator for us to pause and sort of activate discernment. So for me, I currently enjoy Instagram, or maybe I'm just addicted to it.
I don't know, but it doesn't make me [00:04:00] want to puke when I get on and check it. So I check threads sometimes, but I find that it stirs contempt in me for humanity that I don't necessarily consider healthy. so I, I regulate my time on threads. I will post a thread and then. Disappear. For me, Facebook is boring because I curated my feed to make it so.
Again, because of that contempt I was feeling for humanity. Uh, LinkedIn, it makes me feel like someone carved my personality out with a melon baller. So anyway, That's, you know, case by case, I feel differently about social media platforms is my point. So for me, Instagram is really the only game I cared that much about.
So TikTok was fun for me when I was on it, but it was way too much dopamine for my brain. And I started to notice that my mood was more dysregulated while I had access to that on my phone, not just while I was scrolling it or immediately after, but kind of on a day to day [00:05:00] basis, I was having, , trouble feeling, you know, sort of the high, fun, light emotions.
And I was just thinking, okay, my brain is just dopamined out. Like. Not, you know, not a drop of serotonin to be found. So obviously I took that off my phone, not worth it. So TikTok may not even be around much longer. I don't know which, and that's quite bad for some people who've built their businesses on it.
So I'm not going to make light of that. But for me, TikTok was not for me. So basically I don't love social media much either. And here's the thing. If you really don't enjoy a platform. You'll never be successful through it, period. You need to hear that. You will never take off, reach the stratosphere on a platform that you don't enjoy.
It's just not going to happen. You just are lacking the motivation that it takes to really move the needle. So if you only [00:06:00] half like threads, you'll lack the motivation to, you know, post incessantly, you know, to the point where you start to really gain random followers who have never heard of you before threads.
If you hate Instagram, forget about it. The algorithm is shit now anyway, but even back when reels could catapult your visibility, you had to do a lot to get them to get you anywhere. So don't worry, I'm not going to explain social media tactics on this episode, because for one, that's boring. Uh, and it changes so much that anything I could tell you, it would be obsolete next month.
So instead I I want to tell you, , what I know about people's relationship to social media, and lay out some options for you to use it, , options that hopefully don't make you want to become an off the grid outdoor survivalist. Do I think social media is necessary to have a career as an author?
Nope. I've seen people pull it off. it's tricky, but it can happen. Uh, you'll probably [00:07:00] want to get really good at ads or like hand selling at cons or markets. And you'll probably also want to master the art of an email list. if your goal, your objective is to sell books. but those are helpful for authors who do like social media.
So whether or not you're on social media, those are probably good skills for you to have. There's also the possibility that you don't care about selling a lot of books and that's perfectly fine. That's an okay way to live your life and run your author career. You don't have to be a best selling or even a mid lister, , author to have an author career.
If you have or want to sell a single copy of your book to someone, then you have a career. Woo hoo. We can call it whatever we want. These labels are very, uh, flexible anyway. You could say, I want to have an author career, but I don't care that much about, making a thousand dollars a month. That isn't necessary for my life off books. Great. You now have a bunch more options, including, , [00:08:00] just forgetting about social media if you want to. But if you want to sell some books, having social media accounts can be helpful. Even if you don't do that much with them or anything with them, really.
So there are a few approaches to social media, and I think it's important to consider which one we might take. You can view social media as a lead generator for your books. So that would be like taking a cold audience, people who don't know anything about you, warming them up, maybe getting them onto your list or reading your first book in series.
So this approach works easiest on platforms where organic reach is very fruitful, which is currently. None of them. All right. Even TikTok's organic reach is narrowing significantly and very quick. So by the time you listen to this episode, who even knows what will be happening with TikTok. , but basically people who got in early on there may continue to have good reach, assuming it's not shut down.
[00:09:00] but folks who are starting on TikTok today, Or who are on TikTok, you know, a couple of years ago, but haven't really done much with it. It's going to really be pushing a boulder uphill to get that organic reach to work for you in the sense of finding complete strangers. Which is a cold audience like ice cold audience and starting to warm them up to not just you But to the point where they will go purchase something.
That's a long walk for a reader So I don't encourage anyone to necessarily see social media as a safe place selling platform or a place to find cold leads for readers. That's really hard. And if you already don't like social media, forget about it. Like there's just no point in you expending your energy on something like that.
So instead the approach that seems to be worth taking is connecting with existing fans on social media. So you would make your profile a place where people who already like you and your books can come and see [00:10:00] more of you. So the difference between what kind of content you use to deepen existing relationships versus Hooking in people who've never heard of you, that's a huge difference.
So pause to think about that. What would it take for you to start following a person on social media who you don't know, have no information on, you just see a reel, right? it's just you and some random person on, let's say, Instagram. What would it take for you to start following that person on social media?
What would giving them access to your feed. So any, any creepy dudes sliding into DMs that are listening to this, you can sit this one out because I know it doesn't take much for you. But for most people, it will take more than a couple of funny or relatable videos in a row before you're willing to actually hit that follow button.
Meanwhile, what happens if you're already on social media and you see that your favorite author is on there? [00:11:00] Probably an instant follow, right? And you're likely to engage with their content more too, because you already know about them. So, if you, as an author, can tolerate it at all, taking the approach of using whatever social media platforms you like to just share little bits about your writing or your life, that's a great way to deepen your connections with your readers and keep your books front of mind for them.
And this is front of mind in a landscape where, , Attention is the most precious commodity. It is really hard to keep anyone's attention. And as marketers, our job is to not expect that someone will see our book once and go buy it. That almost never happens, even with some of our most rabid fans.
The super fans out there may need to see the book a couple times before they buy it. Not because they don't like the book, but because they're busy as shit, [00:12:00] right? They're busy. They're distractible like all of us. So you can use social media to just be another touch point, right? if you use it this way, that doesn't mean you need to post daily, or even weekly.
But you can tell people where to find you, and then when you do have something to share, or like a new book release, you have at least one more touchpoint for your readers to let them know that, hey, this is here. Would you like it? , your social media doesn't have to be more than that. Your presence doesn't have to be more than that.
But that is a really useful and sort of low maintenance use for it. But wait! There's less. You can also simply create an account on a social media platform and post on that account, something to the effect of, I don't use this platform, but I have free shit you might like on my email list. So click here to join that community.
So that's essentially being a social media squatter, you know, like just go be a social [00:13:00] media squatter. Who cares? Some people will join your list from that, which is great. , but you also have less of a chance of someone, you know, stealing your, , real estate, taking your name, pretending to be you, which almost never happens unless you're like super famous, in which case just hire someone to do your social media.
But, um, it is sort of staking your claim because there may be people who really like a particular platform. You may have readers who really like, , X. That's great for them. I just had a very visual image of what those people look like. And then I was like, Claire, you have a bias there. Look at that bias.
Okay. Thank you, brain. , But let's say you have a reader who really likes being on X, spends a lot of time on X, and has just finished your book or sees it, you know, on the table as they're scrolling on their phone. They may be like, Oh, I want to find this person. And if they can find you, because you just have like your profile set up with this little message of like, Hey, I don't hang out here, go somewhere else.
Then they might do that. Right. [00:14:00] they will at least be able to find you and get that connection.
Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk about Enneagram types and social media. So, the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about this are the triads of childhood needs.
Rizzo and Hudson talk about this in their book, The Wisdom of the Enneagram, but basically it breaks down the nine types of the Enneagram into three groups, which they call triads. So the twos, the threes, and the fours are in the attention triad. The fives, the sixes, and the sevens are in the security triad.
The eights, the nines, and the ones are in the autonomy triad. It just means that each of these types has this underlying hunger for either attention, security, or autonomy, but it also means that one triad is going to be more motivated. to be seen on social media than the others in general. Can you guess which triad that will be?
Yes, you guessed it, the attention triad. [00:15:00] twos want attention, but they tend to be much more comfortable being the power behind the throne. So they'll crave attention if you're two, this is going to sound familiar, but you'd probably prefer to receive it through appreciation. That is earning that sort of attention.
And that's why twos are called the helpers. If you're a two and you're not admitting that sometimes you help specifically to be appreciated for helping, then it's time to do some shadow work. Sorry, twos. No hate, just realness. Trying to help you along here. Helping the helpers.
So threes want attention and they want it now. Uh, we love the threes, but threes are really good at winning, that attention. They, they win the social media game. Threes have it hands down. No one is going to have more of that natural, gift for it than the threes.
It's not even close really. So not only are threes motivated by the promise of attention, but they are able to [00:16:00] know what people want. Like, it's a supernatural sense. So they're able to figure out what the audience wants and deliver that. That is the gift of the three. Uh, So the only exception here is a self preservation type of three, which wants attention, but doesn't want to be seen as someone who wants attention.
So they aren't as out there about it generally, and they kind of look a little bit like a one, sometimes a little bit like a seven. Six.
Okay, so fours want attention, but they kind of want you to have to work for it. Sorry, fours. Uh, you're actually in what's completely separately called the emotional realness triad.
So, uh, This is, I'm being emotionally real with you here. A four wants to know that it's authentic attention. So they're reluctant to solicit the attention, because if they did that, how could they trust that it's authentic, and that you're doing it right? genuinely interested in giving them attention because of who they are, like they want the attention.
They want to know that you're authentically giving them attention because you can't [00:17:00] not give them attention because they're so complex and interesting. So this can even slip into the force, making their social media presence feel more like an abstract collage or a riddle to be solved than something coherent that communicates clearly what a person will get if they hit follow.
Okay, so When we move into the security triad, we see that security and a strong social media presence don't necessarily gel easily with one another.
The seven is the exception to this rule, but I'll explain that in a second. Let's start with the fives. So fives tend to, , not want to let people into their lives, especially not just like randos. So, you have to get over the drawbridge and pass the portcullis if you want to be friends with a five.
So if you're a five, it's okay that you're not posting about yourself, let alone about your [00:18:00] feelings or anything like that. So what you can do if you want to do a little bit of social media where you're open to it as a five, and this usually works, , pretty well for, fives who are open. Okay. To, , social media as part of their strategy.
And that is to post about your interests. Post about your interests. Keep it limited to that. Make it very clear that this is a place for people who have similar interests to post. It doesn't sound as draining as trying to connect like as deep human beings, right? Right fives? So, um, maybe give that a try. Or again, just don't worry about social media. It's not necessary. And it will likely drain you if it's not highly focused on your particular interests and you're a five.
Social media I've found makes sixes nervous. And part of that is because the sixes attention flows towards community and connection as well as the security that can be found in those. So if you're a six, those online pylons. are [00:19:00] really going to stand out to you. They're going to jump out to you, off of whatever screen you're looking at.
When people just gang up, when it gets really toxic, when you have that pile on, that sort of mob mentality. Cause that may be the 6's worst nightmare, having everyone gang up on him. So, I get why social media would make a 6 very uneasy. The best approach is simply to, Mind your business. If you're a six, if you're going to have social media, do your best to mind your business.
Do not join in on any of the dogpiles yourself. , that may be tempting, especially if the people that you're in alliance with are doing it, but action that we engage in creates a perception that others will engage in that same action. So to make yourself less scared that everyone's going to pile on, the best thing you can do is not pile on to anyone else.
So, , maybe if you want to use social media, create small groups for readers where the only people who really have [00:20:00] access to you are those who you've built some trust with. So this could be a Facebook group, or you could get people from social media off of social media into like a discord, something like that to create a little bit more controlled and coherent community that you can spend time with. Now, sevens usually enjoy a little social media. My theory is that it comes from two things. So first, they're what's called an assertive type. So this is the hornevian groupings. Three sevens and eights take an assertive approach to get what they want.
, for sevens, they seek security. That's that childhood need triad. By doing everything. Everywhere, all the time, no chance for not having what they need, they're going to get it. They're going to , do all the things, right? They're going to consume all the things. This is where we get into the vice of this type, which is gluttony.
And I know that has like weird biblical implications. So just take that stigma and just Toss it. We don't need that weird sinning [00:21:00] stigma, but the vice of gluttony is what can get sevens into a little bit of trouble , doing all of the things all of the time, seeking that security by doing everything everywhere, , it creates Let's face it, great content for social media, especially if you're one of those traveling nomadic sevens.
All kinds of pictures for Instagram. But sevens also tend to be wired for dopamine hits. if you're a seven, this is something to watch out for. You really like it. Your brain really likes the dopamine hit, sevens can become addicted to pleasure if they're not careful. And that is, sort of the avoidance of pain that sevens do.
Don't balance out the dopamine, the sort of pleasure hits that they're getting. So they have to seek more and more pleasure rather than being sort of anchored by the pain that everyone else sort of allows into their lives that sevens don't. So the, the sort of smorgasbord of novelty that you can get at your [00:22:00] fingertips online, it's going to be really seductive to a seven and the ease of just like popping off a post is also great for the sevens natural flow that, you know, you're doing something fun and then you're moving on before it gets boring or painful.
So this can sometimes lead to authors who are sevens getting on a platform with business purposes in mind, only to discover that they spend more time scrolling than marketing. So, just proceed with caution, sevens. If you find that you can't control yourself on social media, it might be better To be more intentional about which platforms you use, how you use them, when you have access to them.
There are all kinds of good apps that can limit what time of day you're able to even access those apps. And so, you know, if you have a, an hour each day where you're allowed to access them, you're more likely to do your marketing and then get off of them, right? Hurry and get your marketing done and then return to [00:23:00] work.
You know, the real world. Okay, so on to the autonomy triad, where everyone wants to exert control and influence over the world without letting the outside world control or influence them. That is the triad we're into. So eights are going to start us off. Eights may enjoy social media as a place where they can kind of come and tell it like it is and that may get a really nice response.
But once people start asking things from them. Or trying to dictate what the 8 posts, like what kind of content, or God forbid, what the 8 writes next, it's game over. The 8 is saying, fuck this, and throwing up walls. They're done. And the 8s are very sensitive to anything that feels like an attempt to control them. if you can manage this impulse as an eight, you may do all right on social media, but if you, if this is one of the more pronounced patterns for you as an eight, this sort of, uh, you know, [00:24:00] fuck this, I'm out, this person's trying to control me. Then, you know, social media might just be a trigger and you just maybe don't need it.
Right. So if you're a nine, But not the social subtype of nine. So the self prez or the one to one subtype of nine, then you're probably really struggling to figure out what to post on social media. That may be your main struggle. Like I'm on social media. I've been told I should do this. I don't know what the heck to post.
, so that process of trying to force something. to post, it might be draining you a lot. So this comes from the nine's narrative of, Hey, it doesn't matter. I'm nobody special. Who cares what I have to say? And it's really hard to motivate yourself to post to a platform. Where anyone in the world can then come and try to start shit with you for no reason at all.
When you don't even feel like it matters whether or [00:25:00] not you post to that platform. Social media also is rife with conflict, which nines hate. So I posted a thread the other day that included, you know, as a detail being stuck in a random and unexpected security line at the airport. And I was about to miss my flight.
This was not about the security line. It was about something completely different. There was a much bigger point that I was making. The first comment I got was something like, this is what you get for not showing up early enough to the airport. like shit, my brother cries. I do not know who the fuck you are.
Um, I muted that. I muted for all on that one. I was like, I don't need this in my life. Uh, boundaries. Anyway, the point of my story, went completely unnoticed by this guy. Like it just smacked him in the face and he didn't even know. , he was so focused on trying to start beef with me. Cause I guess some pivotal point in his childhood he was late to the airport and missed a flight that he can [00:26:00] never get over.
I don't know. I was like, brah, you gotta keep it to yourself. Anyway, if you're a nine, I get it. You don't have to be on social media. If it seems like too much conflict, if it's, you know, you're just opening yourself up and you're like, this takes all my effort to even think about what I should post. Yeah.
You don't have to be on social media. In fact, if it makes you so uncomfortable that it puts you out of your emotional and psychological window of tolerance, I actually encourage you to stay away. So that being said, social nines look a little bit more active and involved in social groups and might enjoy social media more.
So if you're a nine and it doesn't stress you out, go for it. But again, if it stresses you out, if the conflict on there, if the people constantly being at each other's throat, it's just too much for you, it's okay to say, I don't want this. It's okay to say you don't want this in your life. Your author career is not dead on arrival.
You can still have success in your author career without it. And [00:27:00] lastly, in the autonomy triad, we're going to talk about ones and. Just so we're all on the same page, I am an Enneagram one, so when I talk shit about ones, I, I come from a place of deep self loathing. I mean, self love. Okay, so, ones are a mess with social media, and that is, of course, speaking from experience.
we don't want to be wrong. All right, number one, we don't want to be wrong and we're sensitive to criticism. So where better to have someone just come out of nowhere and say you're wrong and you suck than social media. So when ones get triggered like that, we can also shoot ourselves in the foot and shoot our business in the foot by wanting to pass along the criticism to others, which can pull ones into these online crusades.
being a part of an online crusade, it may seem like a good idea at the time, you may feel very self righteous, but it's not a great idea. idea for your business in some obvious [00:28:00] ways that we can see when we're not in the moment, right? It's just not a good look to be viciously going after people, to be persecuting others.
It's just, we could just stop. Seriously. Almost every author community pylon I've seen is led by an unhealthy one trying to flip their position from feeling like a bad person in some way to feeling better than. , through self righteousness. I will own that about the type. I will own that that I have those impulses and I have certainly let it get away from me at times.
Thankfully not, not in any noticeable way. I don't think. Um, I mean, I'm sure there are people out there who think I'm self righteous. , but if you're a one, just notice. If the tension you feel in your shoulders as you engage with the social media platform, does that tension increase or decrease?
So, if you feel more tension in your neck and your [00:29:00] shoulders, , and your upper arms, And maybe even like a little bit of a headache when you engage with a social media platform. That might be a sign that it's more trouble for you than it's worth. Social media can be helpful, but it's never as helpful as it is harmful.
If it causes you that degree of stress and that degree of body tension, which leads to all other, you know, all these other health problems. So you can just let it go. Feel that. Just let those muscles relax. Ah, okay. So that does it with the types. Uh, no way I'll be doing every type, every episode like this because it takes too damn long.
I'm tired. I feel like I just ran a race. I really use a nap. Let's wrap this up though. So what if you hate social media? The answer is you have options, a lot of options, and those options will vary based on how motivated or demotivated you are to engage with strangers [00:30:00] online. Do you have to do it? No. Are there solid options for people who don't want to use social media to still have a social media presence?
For sure. So consider if a more nuanced approach might be right for your business. And if you look at your history with social media and decide you've spent years half assing it without getting any results, Maybe it's time to give yourself permission to not use it. Wouldn't that be a loving gift? Just, I have permission not to do the thing that I hate, that is ineffective for me, and drains my energy.
Hell yeah. Give yourself permission. So that's it for this episode of What If for Authors. Thanks for hanging out with me and I will see you next episode. But for now, I think I'm going to go take a little Enneagram induced nap.